


Unafraid and Terrified (Reylo)

by i_am_obsessed



Series: Utter Confliction [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Almost Kiss, Ben Solo Goes For It, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Come On Just Kiss Already, Corellia (Star Wars), Dark Takes Over, Elevators Again, F/M, Intoxication, POV Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Unresolved Sexual Tension, the force made me do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21992254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_obsessed/pseuds/i_am_obsessed
Summary: Ben/Kylo POV, suckas!
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Utter Confliction [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579966
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Unafraid and Terrified (Reylo)

As soon as the scavenger rushes into the elevator, everything in me seems to let its breath out. The fear that I was wrong, that she hadn’t really abandoned her friends and wasn’t really on Corellia, freezes in its tracks and then dissolves as our minds fully connect. She’s here, the Force tells me, with you. It runs along the wall of the elevator and into my fingertips, sending shockwaves through my arm and down my back. 

Regret hits me suddenly. I came with a resolve, a plan to take her back to my ship—and do what? I ask myself. Interrogate her? Train her? Kill her? Like virtually always, I have no idea what to do. I realize dimly, the only time in my memory that I’ve been totally decided on something was about her. Her, her, her. 

Rey. 

“Deserter,” the Dark speaks through me reflexively. It hurts to feel the calm acceptance of this word in her mind. She’s been repeating this word so often to herself that it’s been echoing through my thoughts for the past three days. My mind traces the edges of her subconscious, so different and yet a mirror image of mine.

“Monster.” A carefully crafted scowl paints itself across her face as her thoughts ripple and crash into each other.

I tilt my head. Aren’t we past this ugly word? I think. “You don’t mean that,” I tell her.

But you do. The thought passes from her brain into mine, and it hits like an asteroid.

“Why did you leave them?” I ask. I wish so desperately to build walls up against her that I start spewing hurtful things, things I don’t intend to say but do anyway. “Did you have a change of heart, realize you were too dark for the Resistance?” Her expression flickers, but I press on. “Or did you think you were doing the right thing? Did you think you’d be a martyr, a hero? You had to have known that if I didn’t find them myself in pursuit of you, my Knights would.” She nods. This, she already knew. 

That’s why I had to leave, to draw you after me, says her mind. I clench my fists and pretend I’m not affected by her plan to lure me in. 

How heroic, I think. This strikes a nerve. 

“That’s not why I left,” she tells me fiercely. “I don’t care about being a hero!” She’s so honest, her thoughts like an open book. I pretend not to know this. 

“Oh, but you do. It’s the Dark inside of you.” My darkness grabs the controls as she yells at me to stop. “Darkness craves to be brought to light. It needs recognition, appreciation, satisfaction. Sure, you had relatively good intentions in abandoning your friends, but there’s a part of you that needs to be the hero in this hopeless situation.  
"The hate inside your mind is twisting around, reaching for something to latch onto.” I close my eyes. Maybe if I can tap into the Light in her mind, I’ll stop saying these things. I brush the edge of her deepest thoughts, drawing her pain out and reaching for the goodness in her. She tries, weakly I might add, to push me away; it doesn’t work.  
I find a streak of something beautiful in her, a happy, contented feeling that I want so much I can taste it. But when I internally reach for it, I find with disgust that it’s connected to that traitor, FN-2187. The one I already hate, and now have more cause to. Using the raw power that anger gives me, I shove the Dark forcefully to the back alleys of my mind and speak quietly for myself. “It’s the reason you’re here, in front of me—“ my gut twists “—instead of in front of Finn.” I mean to make her realize what she feels for me, but it has an adverse effect.  
A wave of defensiveness rushes through her, and she spits out, “Don’t you dare compare yourself to my closest—“

Friend? I ask her thoughts. Surely he doesn’t mean that much to her. If he did, she wouldn’t have left, subconsciously looking for me. 

I’m not going through this bantha shit with you—

“Fine,” I interrupt, “let’s get to the point.” 

“You’re coming with me,” I say quietly, trying to stick to my plan but utterly failing as she looks me dead in the eyes. My mission crumbles, and suddenly I’m feeling indescribably nervous.

As she gazes at me, a powerful sensation of longing for her, for her thoughts, for her everything, sends a shiver down my spine that propels me to close the gap between us. 

The scent of her is positively intoxicating. Even if I wanted to stop, to pause and consider what I’m about to do, there’s no physical way I could.  
The Force swirls around us, so strong I feel it literally brush along my arm like static. I scan her mind, wondering if this is ok and does she want this? and will she murder me in my tracks if I give in to how much I suddenly need her?

Just then, a single thought leaks out of her carefully guarded, violently conflicted mind: I need you just as much as you need me. 

That does it. All other feelings fall away, leaving me with the sensation of a million little Bogwings flying around inside of me. Rey is a creature, rare and bold and frightened and beautiful, matched by no other. She sees me in a way no one ever has; not my masters, my friends, or even my parents. The scavenger isn’t afraid of me. She’s afraid of herself.

I glance down at her lips, full but cracked from her rough life as of late, and swallow my fear down. I look into her wide eyes, then close mine. I lean in, my chest touching hers yieldingly and my boots brush against hers. 

Then the worst happens. Right as our lips are one agonizing breath apart, she pushes away. Fiercely.

The anger that was hiding in the shadows of my mind roars forward, painful and electric, taking sides with the hurt and confusion and hunger that lick at my fingertips and the front of my brain. I wave a hand in front of her face, sending her into instant unconsciousness and allowing a single tear to fall as her eyes close. 

She saw it fall. I can feel it. 

The Force holds her floating in the air, since I can’t bear to touch her now. As the elevator resumes movement and we hit the roof level, I allow the Dark to formulate a plan and my mind to pull me under.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't you just love romantically charged scenes from both points of view? Let me know whatcha think ;)


End file.
